http://rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_keyboards.shtml
I mean
Tech Support: "If there is anything else we can help with, please give us a call."
Customer: "Well...I was wondering if you could just tell me something people ask you that is really stupid, so I don't feel like such a moron."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, you're not stupid. People aren't born with knowledge, it takes time. One of the silliest questions we get from new users is, 'Where is the any key?'"
Customer: "Well, DUH! Even I know where that is!"
Tech Support: "Now press the spacebar."
Customer: "Return bar?"
Tech Support: "No, space bar. Space."
Customer: "I have an enter bar, return bar, and a shift key?"
Tech Support: "No, space. Space bar. The long horizontal key."
Customer: [confused sounds]
Tech Support: "Ok, see your c, v, b, n, and m keys?"
Customer: "Yes...."
Tech Support: "Right under them."
Customer: "Oh."
MEGALOL
Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"